‘Look up in the sky!’
‘Its a bird!’
‘Its a plane’
‘No, its Superman!!’
For more than 75 years now, the red caped crusader has been heroically ‘kapowing’ baddies. Though he rocks a mere common noun as his primary name, there’s literally nothing that Clark Ken’t do! Despite the many years, his fame continues to grow as arguably he’s the most loved superhero in the world of comics,period. (Batman be like nanananna!) But one thing that still perplexes many is to why the man of steel wears his ‘briefs’ outside his pants? I mean c’mon superman, even a 3 year old knows that you do not wear them panties outside for all to see; but below to keep the dough stashed in place! Since everyone is clueless to date, we took it upon ourselves to unravel the great mystery. Our intellectual efforts paid as we finally narrowed down to the following five theories; all of which explain the oddity. But you’re warned in advance of the frequent and utter bullshit ahead. Take each step (scroll) with ease and place your brains in dafuq mode! We hope you enjoy this high.
1) Matching matching yes papa!
Such an iconic personality cannot afford to lose out on style; can he? Hence the red underwear sealing the final touch to the already red cape and boots. Furthermore it may look odd but it is undoubtedly unique, the very mentality on which our fashion industry thrives. If regular men can be daring enough to rock paper dresses, then why can’t superman best them all with his underwear on top? After all, the more its matching, the more its catching! ( *eyerubs*)
2) An overtly apparent sex appeal
Sex is a basic need for human beings. Every person has physical desires but superman, being a super-man (duh!) must be having super physical desires. After all the extra testosterone (And perhaps the balls of steel) is bound to interfere with his routine if not cared for well. Hence he wears his underwear on top, to grab greater attention from girls which is more of need for him than a want. In the words of the great joker himself, sometimes it is not about reason but about sending a message! On the other hand, the color red isn’t devoid of a strategy as well. It is historically recognized as the symbol of love, vitality and passion. So you see folks, none of it is random by any means. Now you can clap.
3) Helps him fly better
Aviation is a marvel of modern science. But despite the greater advancements we humans may have made, we can never compare with the aviation sciences back at Krypton. The underwear on top might have a role to play here as well. It is a well known fact that a slight change in mass can result in undesirable displacement while in flight. Furthermore, at high speeds it is difficult to stop or change courses at once. But superman’s job is not as predictable as a pilot’s is. At any point of time he may have to change courses depending upon the number and even the location of crimes. Thus it is quite possible that the air that’d be trapped in his underwear (an inevitability) helps him achieve the required flexibility. To make the theory a bit more digestible, think of his underwear as a tool substituting the adjustable blades in our planes!
4) An amazing camouflage for his super-boner
Being a superman has its own special kind of perks. For supposedly, the godlike stamina, agility and quick healing powers aren’t something exclusive to crime. How can they? After all possessing powers ain’t a switch that can be turned on or off at will. Hence it is not hard to imagine superman making unfair use of such perks in bed as well. While a boner of steel might sound as an interesting possibility at home, while out it doesn’t seem as something very desirable. After all, he might be flying in mid air and all of a sudden he catches glimpse of a beautiful girl bathing naked in her shower (enhanced vision) Now if we refer to point 2, we know how it won’t be long he develops his infamously terrific boner! Just imagine the kind of consequences such an event can have on his flight! (point 3) Hence the underwear on top helps him not only conceal it better but also prevents his Johnson from being his over aggressive self! (*Because i screwed logic long back in this article. These are the offsprings!)
5) His pants have holes!
Super or not, mice don’t give a duck. They’ll gnaw your clothes and leave you with dilemmas. But in the case of superman, things get graver. First he is adept in fighting crime not in knitting clothes. Then unlike us, he can’t even send his poor chewed upon pants to a tailor. Not atleast at the expense of his identity and of-course some pride. Hence you’re left forever with a hole in your beloved pants. The only thing that can now be be done is to wear something on top of them so that the presence of this hole is a secret only known to you. And what better choice than a red underwear! (The above four points now cease to be theories and take shape of benefits!)
There it is folks. It took us a lot of our genius to come up with these theories. It could have been much more simpler and precise but Superman decided not to revert back to our mails on the same. Still i guess we did a pretty neat job. Didn’t we? The rest of the members of the justice league are already sending us Snapchats of them cracking up. We await for the same from you! PS: For those who read till the end, we have a bonus picture to reward you. And yes don’t worry, you are free to share it!