”Designed to give a fuller, uplifted shape and enhanced cleavage, our push-up bras are flattering, stylish and ultra-comfortable” MarksnSpencers
”Make the most of your assets! Our playful push up bras are designed to enhance your contours without compromising on comfort. Visit Bras n Things today” Brasnthings
”Need a lift? These push-ups should do the trick” Victoria Secret
Damn the last one was so very sexy!! Ahem ahem, I’m sorry, lets be back on track. When I was younger, something was forced inside of me. They made sure that I learn of it, practice it and adapt myself to it to the best of my abilities. A valuable life lesson they termed it as and I quote ‘all that glitters is not gold’. Back then I never quite understood the reference. After all, what gold? Just pass on my PS and nothing could ever be more satisfying or pleasurable to my senses. When my parents would be out for the weekend, I would salivate and warm up to the possibilities of a prolonged gaming session at home. But then out of nowhere, came the ridiculously tedious act of growing up and everything changed. Life became harder and more erratic than it ever was and I began searching for a dark shelter where I could stuff myself up, in solace from others. But as they say, we all must learn and learn the hard way, so did I. Now you may or may not call it hard depending upon your powers of endurance. But that is not the point here. For how I learnt is more concerning than the longer than usual time I took before I came, of age . For not once did I ever anticipate that such a maxim, i.e. ‘all that glitters is not gold’ would make way to my heart and into my soul through a pair of tities! Yes I’m talking of them boobs, or jugs as some of us like calling them. Specifically I’m targeting the fake ones which on a sad note left me heartbroken and robbed off my trust in reality. All of this double handedly (Because double boobedly isn’t any term as far as I know!)
Thankfully, it wasn’t very long before I found the heartbreak to be a global phenomena with men. Just as all beings succumb to the might of nature, so did us men. We’ve always been blessed with a keen eye for beauty and thus not once have we failed in passing our regards to a good pair of boobies. Now girls were naturally aware of such a weakness in men and spent ages in attempts of mischief. Finally the plotting substantiated in 1960 when one of their community came out of her mill, triumphant with the said device in hand. Something so deceptive, so wicked that it bore chaos in the world of men. Something they termed as push up bras!
A magician woos his audience with tons of magic tricks. The audience starts loving his work but as soon as they come to see all the fancy stuff as nothing but mere illusion, they feel disheartened and hence quickly lose interest. This is exactly what happens to us men. After all, post the wonders which you allure us with, gulping down the reality becomes difficult, as is the case with magicians. The inherent magician in me can now sense a rush of blood among our woman readers. But before you gather up enough heat to beat the crap out of me, I’d love to point my claims to the tagline of one of your most worshipped luxury brands. Yes Victoria secret came up with an ingenious tagline for push up bras. ‘Need a lift? These push ups would do the TRICK!’ The last word says it all. I guess along with being ingenious, it’s a bit stupid as well, for it did spell out the dirt secret, didn’t it Victoria?
What are these condemned devices? What do push up bras do? Push up bras make a pair of tities seem rounder and oomphier (check robust) than they actually are. Why is this bad? Just like women hate men who fake fortunes or privatees, we hate women who fake their assets! And why should we not? Both of the above are worthy of condemnation. They signal a sense of insecurity and dubiousness, none of which is attractive. Its a loop that a lot of us find ourselves in, one we justify with vain excuses. Consider this example of a foolish pair. The girl gets infatuated with a guy who rocks a sexy beard. It is this beard that generates emotions in her and makes her lust for more. But suppose whilst in process of the deed, the beard were to fall off, how would you feel? In one word I can sum this up. Cheating! Of course it is. Just as you’ll justify your need for a push up bra and how you feel comfortable and confident while donning one, so can the man. He might say how he always faced rejection in life for not having a good beard or how it simply helps him feel good about himself. But nothing will change the fact that it did deceive others. And when the truth lies bare, none of it feels amusing. You’re more likely to be made fun of post that. Is this reason enough to despise what you don’t have? What about wearing about a healthy mind-frame? Can anything be sexier or more craved for?
Sadly, not many today think in the same lines as I do. Consequently, the entire realm of push up bras has become so vast, so amassing that it has ascended to the classification of an art. But what would be the art be called if not the art of deception? After all, the essence of lying is in deception, not in words. The society is going crazy if you’d ask me. The various adverts focusing on a bigger cleavage, recommending push up bras as ‘beauty’ products is proof enough of the madness.
For me, the perfect girl would not be the one with the biggest of boobs or the curviest of ass. She’ll be the one who is confident of her self and wears a healthy attitude. Someone who will be her own self, be it her clothes, her way of talking or the way she thinks about me. Relationships don’t work when we fake stuff, trust me they don’t. Similarly, to guys who fake their wealth or past experiences, you are bringing nothing but doom upon your own selves. Be it men or women, both are naturally programmed with an aversion to deception. But for the pitiable few who are missing a CPU, I’ve got good news. The push up bra with its extra padding and 2 cup size can also double up as a luxury closet where they can stuff in their larger than life vanity. Also it’ll be safer, not for them but for those who’ll be spared the contamination!
NOTE: This article is meant as a satire on our pretentious society. It does not point fingers to a particular gender, but at the norms people use to label fellow people. If you feel as annoyed as we do, help us in the cause by sharing this article followed by the hash-tag ‘beautylieswithin’